The World Ended When Cid Fell On His Ass
by ArcBus
Summary: [VI] Summary? What do you guys THINK this is about? The single greatest oneshot I have ever written, complete with brain stealing and an ICE LAYER! Ahem... LAIR!


**THE WORLD ENDED WHEN CID FELL ON HIS ASS**

_WHOOOOOOP! My first EVER FFVI fic! I've never played it. I just did some research to write this. I aim to purchase it eventually though! This was a request from Killer Chocobo - That I do fic of FFVI, called 'The World Ended When Cid Fell On His Ass'. _

_I am sorry if the characters are OOC, but, that's my lack of knowledge. Best I could do!_

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**CHAPTER... THE ONLY CHAPTER! HAHAHAHA!**

One day in the crazy FFVI world that I have no idea what the hell is all about, Locke and Terra were... Walking around, like all Final Fantasy characters do at SOME point in their games!

"Well, we managed to save the world like all Final Fantasy characters do at SOME point in their games!" Locke said, laughing like only HE was smart enough to know that. "What do we do now?"

"We should go to wherever the hell it is we go!" Terra said, and then they went into a Nikeah. That's the only town I know of... Town... Village... City... WHATEVER!

"OH NO!" Edgar cried, appearing alluva sudden. "LOCKE! TERRA! You must come with me!"

"Where?" Asked Locke. "What's going on?"

"Follow me to a random district!" He shouted, pulling them along to a nearby district.

When they got to the (very) nearby district, they saw...

...CID!

"Wuh-oh..." Locke said. "It's Cid, and it looks like..."

"...He's going to fall on his ass!" Terra ended the sentence for him.

"TER-RA! That was MY sentence!" He whined, sounding slightly like Tidus. It **was** his story, guys!

"What should we do?" Edgar screamed, possibly getting out of character... Meh... He tugged on Locke's headband to annoy him into doing something.

"Well, it's a good job this district is just a huge area of grassland..." Locke said, not really caring about the headband... I wonder why... Anyway, he decided to talk to Cid to see what was going on. "Uh, Cid? Why're you about to fall on your ass?"

"I don't know." Cid replied. "I think my brain was stolen by the other Cids so that they could put it into a robot body so the FFVI Cid wouldn't seem like such a strange dude."

Sure enough, there was a big cut mark around the circumference of Cid's head.

"Umm... Cid?" Terra asked, raising an eyebrow. "If your brain was stolen, how would you be able to talk, let alone LIVE?"

"Well, I will answer you that question. My brain was replaced with that of an evil person's. The evil person is now dead, and the world will end, as soon as my ass falls to the floor." He replied, not actually sounding very evil AT ALL! Then, he laughed not a very evil sounding laugh!

Locke, Terra and Edgar huddled.

"What do we do?" Whispered Edgar.

"Wait. I've got it." Locke said.

Then, they broke the huddle.

"Cid, we're going to find your real brain, and STOP YOU!" Locke yelled, raising a shaking fist for no apparent reason whatsoever. "How long until you fall?"

"Two days." Cid replied, still just... Falling... VVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY slowly!

"Hmm... So, we have to find the other Cids..." Terra said, looking up to the sky. "But... We don't even know where to start!"

She turned to Cid.

"Hey, Cid. Where are the other Cids?" She asked.

The three of them looked hopeful.

"Now WHAT kind of a Villain would tell you THAT?" Cid yelled.

"True..." The three of said sadly. Their hopes WERE a little high there...

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Meanwhile, Kefka was sat in his evil ice layer that he built for himself with a couple of Blizzaga spells... ...Could've been Ice3... WHATEVER! He was watching Cid slowly landing on his ass on a big ice screen... No, not ice cream! ICE SCREEN!

"What?" He yelled, spilling his hot chocolate and melting a big hole into the floor. "CID HAS BECOME A VILLAIN! **THAT **IMBECILE?"

He quickly turned the screen off and went to plot an evil plot against Cid. Because he believed HE HIMSELF was the only one who could end the world!

Except, poor Keffie couldn't think of an evil plan that was creative enough! He could easily assassinate Cid, but where's the joy in THAT? There's nothing new under the sun THERE!

After much more thought, Kefka stood from his desk, swished his cape about, and declared that he was going to...

...ASK FOR HELP!

Now, I know... Kefka wouldn't USUALLY ask for help... Actually, probably never. But Cid was most defiantly stealing his thunder! Something HAD to be done!

So, he picked up the (very cold) phone receiver, and dialled a number.

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**NORTHERN CAVE, THE PLANET...**

The wall phone rang. Sephiroth, though reluctant after receiving numerous disturbing calls throughout his time living in that cave, answered. Well, he HAD yelled for Jenova to pick it up. But she said 'I'm washing the dishes, Seph dear, could you please get that for me?'

"...Hello?"

"OH MY GOD! YOU PICKED UP FOR ONCE!" Kefka yelled. "Listen, Sephiroth, I really REALLY need your help! SERIOUSLY!"

"What now?" Sephiroth groaned. It's not like he LIKES social interaction.

"Well, you see, there's a slight problem with my world destruction slash domination plans. You see--"

"Kefka. I'm busy. Ring me back."

"Wha...? Okay, when?"

"Okay, ring me back..."

And then Sephiroth hung up! JUST LIKE THAT! And walked away from the phone.

"GAH!" Kefka exclaimed. "SON OF A SUBMARINER!"

It's true. Jenova wasn't a submariner, and I don't think Hojo was, but how ELSE did Lucrecia get to that cave? A special Chocobo? Hahaha! Don't make me laugh.

So, Kefka rang another number.

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**ULTIMECIA'S CASTLE, THE FUTURE...**

"DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP! DON'T HANG UP!" Ultimecia yelled, running into her office room in a towel towards the ringing phone.

She managed to pick it up.

"Yello?" She yelled.

"Hey, what took you so long?" Kefka asked. "Oh well, that's not important. Listen, I've got a slight problem I need you to help me with, and--"

"NO! OH MY GOD! HOLY KRAP! THE BATH'S OVERFLOWING!" Ultimecia screamed, as water came pouring down her (slightly creepy) steps. "I'M SORRY! I HAVE TO GO!"

And then, she pushed the receiver quickly down and ran off.

Kefka blinked, and shook his head, before trying another number.

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**THE BIG PURPLE MANSION, ALEXANDRIA...**

I know there ISN'T a big purple mansion in Alexandria, but... I dunno where Kuja lives. I'm a little clueless. Forgive and forget, please.

"Hiya!" Kuja said very perkily, leaning backwards on his chair, resting his legs on his desk. "You've, like, reached the mansion of KUJA! YAY! Now, like, if you're not from the nail artist's, I'm not in-ter-est-ed! Hang up now, before I K-I-L-L you!"

Zidane suddenly appeared at the window... And then fell down... And then came up to the window again... And fell back down.

"WHAT CAN YOU SEE?" Garnet asked, holding one edge of the piece of material he was bouncing up and down on. Steiner and Vivi had the other sides, but y'all knew that already.

"I CAN SEE KUJA!" Zidane replied, appearing again at the window, which had a very angry looking Kuja at it.

Kuja shut the curtains as he fell back down.

Oh, yeah... And he had hung up on Kefka.

So, Kefka, slightly pissed at his only friends that weren't really friends and only knew him because he was a villain (hahaha! Kefka has no friends!), decided to call another number. He was SURE that this contact would help!

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**BEVELLE, SPIRA...**

As very disturbing music played, the wedding at the chapel at the top of Bevelle began. Seymour walked down one of the isles with all of his crazy Yevonite minions, until he met up with Yuna. They approached the steps, when alluva sudden... SEYMOUR'S CELL PHONE RANG! GASP! NNOOOOOOOOO!

Everyone stared at him. Yuna shifted uneasily for him to answer it. So, he whipped it out.

"...Hello?" He asked.

"Hey, Seymour!" Kefka said. "You're not to busy, are you?"

"Ummnmm... Well..." Seymour mumbled.

"Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee you?" Kefka pressed.

"Actually, I'm in the middle of something... Something... Kind of important..." He replied, looking slightly... UNEASY! HA!

"Umm... What's so important?"

Yuna nudged Seymour anxiously, and he just turned his phone off. Soon, the Airship could be seen falling from the sky! OMG! WTFZORZ?

Feeling slightly hurt, Kefka decided to call the last person he knew who could help him.

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**ZANARKAND, ONE THOUSAND YEARS AGO...**

"SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-YYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Lenne yelled. "WILL YOU GET THAT?"

Shuyin sighed, and answered the ringing phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Shuyin, listen, this is kinda important so don't DARE hang up!" Kefka yelled. "Or I SWAER you're the next on my list of people to decapitate!"

"OH, SHUYIE-WOOYIE!" Lenne called again. "BE A DEAR AND COME WASH THE DISHES FOR ME!"

Shuyin sighed.

"Hokay!" He said. "Sorry, I gotta go Kef. As much as I fear the decapitation threat, Lenne is ALOT scarier than you when she's mad! See ya!"

And then he hung up.

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Kefka replaced the receiver, and mumbled something to himself angrily. Of course, there were other villains that could help him... Ganon, No-Heart, King Koopa, Baal, Zera, Melfice, Selene, Agent Smith, the list goes ON! But... He gave up after Shuyin...

...And decided to...

...FIND CID'S BRAIN!

So, he left his ice layer and jumped onto his magical Ice Dragon.

"Hullo." The Ice Dragon said. "Where to, Lord Kefka?"

"I need to find Cid's stole brain." Kefka said bluntly.

"Cid's lost brain?" The Ice Dragon repeated. "But, where is that? I can't go there if you don't tell me where it is!"

"Just go." Kefka commanded, tugging on the reins. "DEPART! TAKE OFF! FLY! RISE! CANTER!"

The Ice Dragon sighed, shaking his head, and then just stretched out his magical dragon wings and zoomed off into the sky.

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After almost two days of looking for Cid's brain, Terra, Locke and Edgar returned to where Cid was still falling. His ass had little whirlwinds underneath it, tearing up grass and dirt, just like when Meteor fell over Midgar!

"What now?" Terra asked. "We've searched everywhere for Cid's brain! We only have an hour or so left until he falls and destroys the world!"

"Hmmm..." Locke said, looking very thoughtful. "Nope. Can't think of anything."

"Oh, Goddamn it!" Edgar said, with his hands on his hips. "The man is FALLING! There must be a way to stop the fall!"

"WAIT! I'VE GOT IT!" Terra said, a light bulb appearing over her head.

"YOU DO?" The other two asked hopefully.

"Nah, false alarm." She grinned. "I was just testing you guys!"

They sighed and shook their heads, before trying to think of a way to stop Cid.

"So, we have to cushion the landing..." Locke said, not realising... THAT WAS THE ANSWER! GASP!

"DING DING DING!" Mog and Celes yelled, running onto the scene. "YOU GOT IT!"

"I WON?" Locke beamed, hoping he would get a prize. But he got nothing, and then felt all sad inside... Poor Locke... Poor deluded Locke... When will the others realise that upset you? Well... Uh... Probably never, but STILL!

"We just have to do this." Mog said, and then put a cushion under Cid.

Cid...

...SAT DOWN HAPPILY! AND THE WORLD WAS SAVED! YAY!

"WOOHOO!" Everyone yelled, doing their victory dances as the victory theme played.

Suddenly, what came flying overhead but... A BOX! The box fell to the ground in front of them.

Celes picked it up.

"Hmm..." She said, looking at the note on it. "It reads... From the other Cids... This is Cid's brain back, all nice and ready to go back in his head!"

And then, she dropped it.

"EWW! THERE'S A BRAIN IN IT!"

So, Edgar went to pick it up.

"We should put it back in his head." He said, walking over to the seated Cid.

Locke lifted the already cut part of Cid's head off. Terra got an ice cream scoop and... Uh... Scooped out the brain in there. Then, Edgar put Cid's old brain back in. Locke finally screwed his head back on.

"Huh? Oh, hello everyone!" Cid said, waving to them. "What's going on?"

"Umm... Not much!" Locke said. "Let's just say it was hard to get our asses around THAT problem!"

And then everyone shared a long Scooby-Doo style hearty laugh, and they all walked happily in a big long line into the sunset towards Nikeah.

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Two seconds after they had disappeared, the Ice Dragon landed in the area.

"Huh?" Kefka said, jumping off. "Wasn't that blockhead Cid here?"

"Well, you know, maybe he ran away, knowing you were coming..." The Ice Dragon said dully.

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Kefka cried, swishing his cape about, and then he began ranting about how Cid was supposed to destroy the world, but he wanted to destroy the world himself, and so... (ect).

The Ice Dragon took this ranting time to flap his wings and fly off, back to the far away ice layer.

When Kefka eventually stopped rambling, he turned to see the Ice Dragon had DISAPPEARED! GASP! Well, what do you expect?

"Huh? HEY! HE DITCHED ME!" He roared, looking awfully disgusted.

Suddenly, he sensed something behind him. Slowly, Kefka turned to see...

...THE OTHER VILLAINS! GASP! OMGZORZ! SCAR-EE!

"Hello, Kefka." Sephiroth said, looking and sounding very sinister. "We want to talk to you about something..."

"Uhh..." Kefka mumbled, looking quite scared as they all surrounded him.

"We need to diskuss the kall rates from your world to our worlds..." Ultimecia said, also looking and sounding very sinister.

"Y'know..." Kuja said, looking and sounding very sinister too, cracking his knuckles, but minding his highly manicured nails, of course. "It costs us, too, if you ring our worlds..."

"And, the tariffs aren't exactly cheap..." Seymour said, looking and-- OH, YOU KNOW THE REST!

"I like pretty rainbows..." Shuyin said, with his hands on his hips (sinister look, like the others). "...AND I ALSO LIKE REVENGE!"

"FINE! BRING IT ON!" Kefka said, **his** hands on **his **hips, too. "I'M GONNA--"

In the space of three seconds, Sephiroth had already floored him. But that's okay. He just sprung back up.

"ARGH! CHEAP SHOT, MOMMA'S BOY!" Kekfa yelled, before running quickly out of the surrounding circle... Uh... Why didn't they catch him? I guess he's just too fast for them... Hehehe...

"GET BACK HEEEEEERE!" Kuja shouted, as they all ran after him.

"KURSE YOU, KLOWN BOY!" Ultimecia screamed. "KURSE YYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!"

And so, Kefka ran into the sunset, the very angry villains from the other FFs running after him.

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That evening, when the sun had gone down, Locke, Terra, Edgar, Celes, Mog and Cid were standing around randomly in Nikeah.

"Well, that was an interesting turn of events." Celes said.

"Indeed it was." Cid said. "Y'know, I think I'm just gonna go now."

"Bye, Cid!" Everyone said.

"Bye!" He said, walking off whilst waving to them. However, he was, of course, not paying attention, and suddenly stumbled and lost his balance and fell backwards!

"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Everyone screamed.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The tiny spores of bacteria on the ground underneath Cid screamed.

But it was too late.

And the world ended when Cid fell on his ass!

**BASS IT!**

(Bass it indicates the end of a chapter... Or in this case, a story!)

Well, I hope that was good! Like I said, please forgive me. I have yet to play FFVI.

So, aaaannnnyyyywwwaaayyyy... If you have any questions or comments, leave 'em in your review, and I should get back to you! I hope you enjoyed reading this story! Aeris and Sephiroth will return in **Undying Pie II**! Squall and Rinoa will return in **Squall And Rinoa Try To Implode Zell's Room**!

(And you just KNOW you wanna see Zell's room imploding!)

Bye bye!


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